Am I thinking clearly for once or have I finally really lost it?

So...I've been thinking, maybe more dangerously than before..

I want to go to school. I want to start my own massage therapy/holistic medicine business...and I want to live in New York.

I am so incredibly nervous about the idea of moving that I perpetually have a headache. I sit there and wonder if I'll be okay in "the BIG city" essentially by myself....which is another thing that is killing me. I have no interest in not waking up every morning next to mon petit oiseau. Elle est tres jolie et je s' aime. I know that she will visit me frequently and I probably will not go a week without seeing her, but even when I spend a night away at my parents' house, I can't sleep. I'm incredibly uncomfortable.
I realize this sounds like some sort of awful dependency. But, I don't know what to do. I worry that I will create problems in our "flawless relationship". We don't even fight..ever. I don't want that to change. I am very done with having screaming matches with anyone, much less the person I'm romantically involved with. Obviously, fighting goes beyond that, but I just don't want or need that kind of stress and I know she doesn't either. I mean, I know it's not like we're just going to up and change completely if I move to NYC but it will definitely be different. I'm finally healthy because I live with her. I'm in a healthy relationship, I eat incredibly healthy, and I sleep at night- yes, I'm still dealing with the hypersomnia- but, I've never been healthier in my life. I've gained 11 pounds since we started dating. I'm hovering right around 100 now. My ribs are not so scary. I could go on.
Even mentally though, despite the fact that I'm profoundly neurotic, I don't have "outside stress" very much anymore. When I come home, I come home to someone who wants to hug me, make me dinner, and play with me. I love that. It keeps a lot of my depression and anxiety at bay.
If I live in New York, I will probably have to be on medication for a little while in order to adjust...which I also hate. I know that if I can self soothe and take my herbs that I will be okay but, I don't know if during all that change and the lack of doctors around me will permit my brain to focus on breathing. The last thing I need is to wind up hospitalized because I needed to take something and I didn't....and here I am trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I'm okay and that I'm capable.....but really there's no need for that. There is no need for me to prove anything to anyone including myself. I know this. Yet, I feel the need to do it...as if maybe this will cease the chronic judging the people around me do.

I want to be happy and doing what I want to do. Not some bullshit that someone else is saying I should do.

I don't know if I'll be moving or how long I'll be there if I do. The only thing I do know is that I don't want to be stagnant.

I want to do anything and everything exciting. I want to be in a place where I don't feel crazy, not because I'm not crazy, but because comparatively, I'm not. Because, I am in place where motion never stops, because it's time to go to bed or it's time to do this, or that. I want to be able to not have a car and go anywhere I want to.

I am dwelling....and I need an opinion. I think I'm going to go to my parents' house tomorrow, ask if they will pay for school and then tell them I want to move and do they think it's crazy...I don't think that that will say that it is..or if they do, they will say, "yes, but so are you". They'll shrug and say, "are you really going to do this?" I will say, "with your support, undoubtedly".

That's some optimistic thinking for you. I will certainly post how it turns out.